If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
