Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
