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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
