So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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