Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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