dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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