There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
