I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
