she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
