If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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