I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
