I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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