you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
