and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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