I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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