Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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