do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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