she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize