she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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