I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
