Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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