I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
