Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
