So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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