I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
