im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
