If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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