we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
