Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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