To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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