Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
