she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Randomize