think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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