wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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