Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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