dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
