Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
