The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
