I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
