Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
