I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
