Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
