Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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