She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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