cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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