Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
