wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
