Me too!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
