Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
