Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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