when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
