I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just sent this text using only my big toe
areolas are like halos for boobs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'