oh god the rape fog is back!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.