Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My pussy is not your playground.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright