i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing