I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
