You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
