Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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