she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
