i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do cheetos always look like penises
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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