You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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