you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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