they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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