I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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