batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You took a bar mat shot.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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