he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
