If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
