weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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