my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
