He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
