Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
