Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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