Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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