you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
