I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
