So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize