it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
