we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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