I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
