Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
