I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
