Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
