someone threw a dead crab at me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
