we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
