definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
