I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
