those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
